Do Married Couples Fall In and Out of Love?
You married your husband because you fell in love with him, and yet somehow you find yourself looking at a person you don’t think you love anymore. Well, maybe you do love him, but it’s not the same. Or perhaps you suspect that he’s fallen out of love with you. You ask yourself: can my husband fall back in love with me?
Do married couples fall in and out of love? Yes, yes they do. Over the years, both partners change and grow, sometimes closer together, and sometimes further apart. You want to know what to do when you fall out of love with your husband. The answer isn’t black and white.
My name is Janine Piernas, and I’m a marriage counselor in Temecula, CA. Here are some of the things that I explore with my clients when they wonder if they’ve fallen out of love.
What to Do When You Fall Out of Love With Your Husband
If you no longer love your husband, it’s time to take stock of your marriage. More importantly, you need to look within yourself. Marriage counseling might be a good option for you and your husband, but you should also do your own processing with a counselor about what’s going on deep down.
It’s important to consider what’s changed. How have you changed? How has the relationship changed? Sometimes, when you look deep enough, you’ll find that your needs haven’t been met by your husband.
Maybe you’re not meeting your own needs, too. While it’s important that your relationship meets your needs, you have to know what those are in order for your husband to live up to your expectations. So if you feel that you’ve fallen out of love with your husband, take some time to consider whether or not you feel like you’ve grown individually in the relationship.
Individual counseling will be a good option for you as you navigate what to do when you fall out of love with your husband. You’ll need to consider your options in regards to the relationship. You’ll also need to process what’s going on internally and what you need to feel happy in your marriage again.
If you want to salvage your marriage, you and your husband will need to prioritize each other. Try not to force anything, but work together to communicate. Consider what you’re contributing to the relationship before you blame your husband for the fact that things have gone wrong.
Can My Husband Fall Back in Love With Me?
Maybe the problem isn’t that you’ve lost the love for your husband, but that you’re either afraid he no longer loves you. The same rules apply here – does he really not love you, or are things just so strained between the two of you that he doesn’t like you right now and you’ve grown apart?
It can be difficult to know whether you and your husband are just having a difficult time communicating, having significant relationship problems, or if he’s truly fallen out of love with you.
I recommend that in addition to marriage counseling, your husband should seek out his own individual therapy. You both should see your own therapists to discuss what’s going on internally. Just like you, he needs to do some processing about whether he’s truly fallen out of love with you, or if he’s been ignoring his own difficulties either in the relationship or in his internal world.
If you’ve ever felt like you don’t love him anymore, but then changed your mind, then it’s very possible that he can experience that too. Love and marriage are hard work. Sometimes you have to work hard to stay in love.
Your relationship may be salvageable if he wants to be close to you again. It’s possible that the distance between you is just too great to make the relationship work.
How Do Married Couples Fall Out of Love?
Marriage and love are difficult to navigate. Sometimes married couples go through big life changes that can cause a wedge between them, leaving one or both partners hurting.
It’s easy to think during these times that the other person doesn’t love you. But the truth is that we fall in love with our spouses a little more every day. That also means that you can fall out of love with your spouse a little more every day.
In my experience as a couples counselor, the biggest reason couples fall out of love is that their needs aren’t being met in the relationship. You need to talk to each other about what you need and want from the other person. Maybe that happens in marriage counseling, maybe that happens behind closed doors. Maybe it’s both. But communication is key.
It’s possible to fall out of love with your partner, and that might be forever. If you’re both on the same page, then the path forward may seem simple – divorce.
But neither of you wants a divorce, you just want to love each other again. You want the good old days back. When life circumstances get in between you and your spouse, it can be hard to navigate the waters if you’re not in the same lifeboat. Or if you’re paddling in different directions.
Falling out of love doesn’t have to mean forever, but it does mean you have decisions to make and important conversations to have. The best path forward is to be honest with one another about how you feel in the relationship and where you think your marriage is heading.
Getting the Love Back
If you’re wondering what to do when you fall out of love with your husband, you’re not alone. Many married couples go through rough patches. It can be hard to feel the same sort of love you felt for your husband at the beginning of the relationship when you’re ten years in. But it’s possible to rekindle that love.
When you’re asking yourself “do married couples fall in and out of love?” it might be time to seek couples counseling. A couples counselor will be able to help you and your husband communicate your feelings with one another. You might discover that what you’re actually feeling is hurt, distress, overwhelm, resentment, or anger.
And if you’re wondering “can my husband fall back in love with me?” the answer is probably. If you can do it, he might be able to also. But as I said before, there is no black and white answer to these questions. Your reality might be that one or both of you have fallen out of love. It’s up to you both to decide whether or not you want to work on falling back in love with each other.
If you’re ready to try couples counseling to see if you and your husband can reconnect and rekindle the love you once felt, contact me to set up a free consultation. I’m here to help you and your husband find out if you truly have fallen out of love with each other, or if your relationship just needs a little extra tending to. Note that I can help residents of California only.