How to Be a Good Mom When You’re Depressed

You love your children, but sometimes you don’t want to get out of bed in the morning. Maybe you cry alone in the shower. You might find yourself scrolling through Pinterest or Instagram, comparing yourself to other mothers. Perhaps you feel like your husband doesn’t help out as much as you’d like. You’ve come to the realization of why things feel so hard – you’re depressed.

So how do depressed mothers do it? What’s the magical answer to your question “how to be a good mom when depressed?” Depression in working mothers is very common. Depressed mothers, whether you work outside of the home or are a stay-at-home mom (also a full-time job), are more common than you may think. 1 in10 women in the United States experience symptoms of depression. There are 43.5 million mothers in the United States as of April 2021. You do the math on how many millions of depressed mothers there are out there. You are not alone!

Many depressed mothers worry about the effects their symptoms have on their children, specifically infants and daughters. This makes sense because a child’s attachment style is based on the relationship between the mom and the child, starting from a very young age. It also makes sense that mothers worry about the effects their depression has on their daughters since young girls often model their behavior off of their mothers. 

I’m Janine Piernas, and I’m a therapist in Temecula, CA. I specialize in working with moms with depression and anxiety.

In this post, I’ll explain how to be a “good mom” when you’re depressed.

How to Be a Good Mom When Depressed

The first thing is that you need to cut yourself some slack. Depression doesn’t make you a bad mom. It means that you need a bit of support and help to get through the day. And that’s ok.

If you’re raising your children with a partner, talk to them about what you’re feeling and see if there’s a way they can help. If you’re a single mom, ask for help. Talk to your friends, your family, and a therapist. You can’t do it all alone.

Remember that you love your children and that depression isn’t your fault. Many moms deal with depression on a daily basis. Maybe it would be helpful to seek out a support group for moms who deal with depression. You would not only be able to talk to other depressed mothers or depressed working mothers, you’d also get a supportive community to help you navigate being a mom who deals with depression.

Recognize the signs of your depression. If you’re crying in the shower, but you feel better after you do, then let yourself cry in the shower. If crying in the shower is causing you distress, see if you can find another outlet for the tears.

Take stock of your day and figure out what parts of the day or week you enjoy and focus on those parts. See if you can add a bit more of whatever that thing is into your routine. Find something that’s just yours. It could be a book club, meditation, yoga, or exercise. Discover things you love to do that you can do with your kids. If you love baking, include your kids and teach them how. Your daughters or sons will carry the memory of baking with you beyond childhood, and it’s a way to engage in an activity that brings you joy.

Depression in Working Mothers

Depression is hard enough when you’re trying to take care of your children, but if you’re a working mother there’s an added layer. If getting out of bed in the morning is hard, see if there’s something about your day that you can look forward to.

Try to balance work life and home life so that you get to spend time with your kids as well as your career. If it helps, bring mementos and pictures of your kids to work so you have a piece of them with you. Depression in working mothers is common, so finding ways to bring you joy that is connected to your family is important for your mental health. 

Keep in mind too that there won’t always be balance. Some weeks, your kids will require more of you. Other weeks, work will pile up. Give yourself grace, and know that you’re trying your best.

It’s normal if you’d rather be at the office than home with your kids. Being a mom is overwhelming. Sometimes women find sanctuary in their jobs or being away from their kids. There’s nothing wrong with that. Just make sure you’re not avoiding your children and purposefully staying at work late or going in early so that you’re not home with your kids.

Ways Depressed Moms Can Work Through Depression

Seek counseling and talk to a therapist about your depression and how you feel. Working with a therapist like me who specializes in therapy with overwhelmed and depressed mothers can make a huge difference in how you approach your daily life. 

Strategize your day so that you’re at your best when your kids need you the most. Talk to your partner about how they can help. For example, if you’re having a really hard time getting out of bed and starting your day, maybe your husband can get the kids fed, dressed, and ready for school to give you a little extra time to yourself.

Make sure you’re meeting your basic needs, like drinking enough water, eating a well-balanced diet, and getting in exercise (even if it’s something moderate like taking a walk) when you can. Again, talk to your husband and prioritize your health. This might mean he spends time with the kids for half an hour while you go for a run, nap, or meditate in a quiet room.

Living with depression isn’t easy, especially for overwhelmed moms. With the right help and support, you can work through your depression and still be a good mom. Change doesn’t happen overnight, which is why it's important to prioritize yourself in order to be able to be there for your family.
If you’re ready to try counseling to work on how to be a good mom when depressed, contact me to set up a free consultation. I’m here to help you work through your struggles as an overwhelmed, depressed mother. Note that I can help residents of California only.